She Falls
by mysticxf
Summary: Jack has to come to grips with Kate's death.


Lost belongs to JJ Abrams and crew, I'm just borrowing for some non-profitable fun. Jack has to come to grips with Kate's death.

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Lost – She Falls  
By Mystic  
April 27th 2005

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Jack heard his name shouted through the jungle. At first it was a whisper, far off and indistinguishable from the birds in the trees, but it came closer, the voice behind it cracking with desperation and the remains of puberty. He stood straight; turning just before the footsteps came crashing through the trees that clung to the outer wall of the caves. Placing the notepad he held down upon the makeshift crash cart near him, he watched Walt try to catch his breath.

"Jack," he gasped. "She fell."

His heart jumped into his throat and he realized then it'd been racing since he saw the teenager burst through the trees, blood splattered against his chest and chin. Jack didn't have to be told who fell; he knew who fell. His feet carried him through the vines and trees even as his head told him not to go, not to look, not to know. Walt led the way, occasionally glancing back with a look of pure terror on his face.

Stopping short, he began a down hill climb and Jack could already see the body. He forced himself to concentrate on the cliff wall, where one wrong step could mean his own demise. His shoe pushed rocks that tumbled down the cliff and smacked loudly against others below. Walt shouted something at him – watch his step? Jack didn't know; he held onto the vines that grew along the rocky surface at his side and took a long breath when he reached the bottom.

Walt had run ahead, shouting back at him to hurry. Jack had to stop, he had to brace himself, had to make sure he was prepared. For the first time in a very long time, he found himself counting. Between numbers, he raced through his medical knowledge; he retraced veins, arteries, bones, tendons and organs and how to repair the damage to each. But the closer he got to one, the more afraid he became.

"JACK!" Walt shouted.

He could read the tears on his name. Pushing off the wall, he opened his eyes and went towards Kate quickly, taking in her broken form. Her legs lay sideways, the left underneath the right, as if she'd fallen on her side and half rolled over. Her arms lay flat on the rocks, the left one cracked neatly in a spot exactly between her wrist and elbow. He took another step closer, seeing the bloody mess on her left cheek, the blood that spread out along the ground. She'd moved her head. Jack shook his own and knelt beside her, taking her right wrist gently.

His fingers found her pulse, but his eyes burned with tears. He lifted them skyward, to see the three story fall she'd taken and she gasped suddenly, then coughed violently. Walt shouted Jack's name in fear and he turned, seeing her lift her head, straightening it against the rocks underneath her. The right side of her face was clean and he could make out the corners of her mouth trying to smile as she opened her eyes just a slit to see who had come. But the smile faded and her eyes closed and Jack could see she was struggling to breathe.

Rubbing his forehead with his hand, he stood and glanced at Walt, who sat just above her body. "Hold on, Kate," Walt whispered, his hand wiping her hair away from her face. Jack could see blood under her head, knew if she'd cracked her skull… he shook his own, refusing to think about it

"We need to get her back," he said, his head still bobbing. His limbs had gone numb.

"How?" Walt asked, shrugging his shoulders and looking around. Jack could see now his cheeks were stained with streaks from crying.

Jack knew before he could move her, he had to set her arm, he had to make sure there was nothing else broken and then they had to find a way to get up the side without actually going up the side. He spotted a long, thin flat rock and picked it up. It would come up a bit short, but would be good enough. Jack removed his shirt and ripped it into strips. He knelt beside her and brought Kate's left arm into his lap. She hissed and winced as he glanced back at Walt.

"No," the teenager said softly.

Nodding his head, Jack watched as Walt put his hands on Kate's shoulders and looked away, his eyes shut tightly. Jack waited just a moment and then pulled her bones together with a sickening crunch. He quickly strapped her arm to the rock and watched as she opened her mouth to scream, but didn't. Clenching her teeth, she cried silently as Jack straightened her body and did his best to examine her.

Walt vomited.

"Hold on, Kate, we're gonna get you back to the caves," Jack told her, brushing crusted blood from her cheek. The skin on the back of her head was open, but her skull was intact. Jack knew a fracture, with luck, would heal, but there was risk for swelling and death due to brain damage. He pressed his fingers gently against her, searched the bones and organs and frowned each time she shouted.

Her kidneys might be damaged, her ribs broken definitely, internal injuries – bleeding either in her intestines or her lungs. Jack forced her to move her feet, her spine seemed fine. Luck. He shook his head roughly, letting the drips of sweat fly off his face. His back burned in the afternoon sun and he stood, glancing around.

"Over there," Walt told him weakly, pointing. There was jungle at the edge of the ravine. He wondered how much extra time it would take them to get her back, but he knew that going up the small path they'd taken down would risk dropping her again and falling themselves.

"We need something to carry her on." He pointed at Walt, "I need you to go back to the caves and bring the stretcher with someone – Sawyer, Charlie, Sayid, whoever you see first. Tell them Kate's in trouble."

Nodding his head quickly, Walt went up the side of the ravine on the path carved there and Jack pulled Kate into the shade created by it. He laid her head on his lap, wrapping another strip of his shirt tightly around her head to try and stop the bleeding. It had slowed enough where he chose not to worry about it.

"Jack," she whispered with all the breath in her chest.

"Don't try to speak, you need to relax. Walt's coming with a stretcher and we're going to get you back to the caves."

"I fell," she managed, despite his words. She started to shake her head, her eyes watered. "It hurts."

"What hurts?" Jack asked.

Her lips pressed together and her eyes closed tightly through a pain he couldn't pinpoint. His breath caught in his throat as she coughed bright red blood onto her chin. "Jack?"

"Don't speak," he told her, his voice breaking.

"How do you know…" she took a labored breath, "…when you're dying?"

His head gave a nod as he considered, but then he clenched his jaw and watched her hazel eyes searching his. She wanted an answer because she was dying. Kate was many things, Jack knew, but she wasn't stupid. Her eyes glazed over for a moment and he gave her hand a squeeze. Her lower lip trembled and she turned her head, spitting blood onto the ground angrily.

"Don't try… too hard," she whispered.

"What?"

"I don't want to go like Boone." It was clear, loud and rung in his ears painfully.

Jack saw motion in the jungle, saw Sawyer burst through the dark trees holding the stretcher with one hand. His face was stone, his eyebrows lowered on his head and his lips pressed together tightly as he jumped over rocks and made his way to them. Raising his eyes to the other man, Jack shook his head slowly as Sawyer laid the stretcher down.

"Like hell, you're giving up," Sawyer bellowed, taking hold of Kate's legs. "I'm putting her on this stretcher with or without your help."

"It won't do any good," Jack managed as Kate cried. "She's got internal…" his voice left him.

"No!" Sawyer shouted, echoing in the ravine. "You help me right now, Jack."

Jack stood, grabbing Sawyer's arm and yanking him away from Kate. "She fell three stories, onto rocks. There are internal injuries beyond repair, I can't…" Jack looked away, biting his bottom lip until it stung. "I can't save her," he told the other man through clenched teeth.

Sawyer pulled away and shook his head, taking Kate's legs and pulling her gently. He moved to her shoulders as Jack stood with his face raised to the sky and his hands on his hips. "Dammit, Jack, help me!"

Letting his head fall forward, Jack turned slowly and helped Sawyer move Kate onto the stretcher and then lifted her as they began their walk into the jungle. He could see her breathing was slowing, and there was a trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth that was pooling on the material that held her. Every few steps, she tightened her eyes and moaned in pain and Jack began to cry.

Don't try too hard. She didn't want to suffer while he tried to create patches for things he couldn't fix. She didn't want him to experiment on her with new solutions. She didn't want to prolong the inevitable. Kate looked at him, her eyes apologizing for so much as she flexed the fingers on her broken arm and took a sharp breath in pain.

"Jack, you can fix it." Sawyer kept saying. Walt met them halfway and he seemed to chant along with Sawyer. Jack wasn't even sure if he was really hearing anymore or if it was just his brain trying to accept it. It's what he did, tried as hard as he could, but Jack knew he couldn't. He knew if he tried, he would only make it worse. Whether he tried or not, he would fail her and she would die.

They made it to the caves and people gathered. Claire held her young son back, covered his eyes to keep from seeing the stretcher that trailed blood as it came. Jack looked back on the trail; he didn't realize the rocks she'd fallen on had cut into her back. His eyes scanned her pale face as they set her down so he could examine her again. He felt the need to do it for show, to officially announce she was too far-gone to do anything about.

Shannon stood nearby holding a toddler. She touched Jack's shoulder and he shook his head. "Take her away; she doesn't need to see this." Nodding, Shannon moved with Claire and the children towards the path to the beach. Jack heard the little girl call for her mother and he watched Sawyer head off after the women. He was good with the kids, he'd tell them a story about bunnies and they'd forget what they'd seen.

Kate coughed lightly and Jack turned his attention back to her. She smiled weakly and he knelt beside her. Jack took a wet rag from Sun, who had appeared at his side, ready to help him. Wiping away the blood from her face, he touched the rag to the corner of her mouth and then rubbed a tear away with his thumb. There was a ragged cut on her left cheek that still bled and he held the rag to it, pressing firmly.

"I'm sorry, Kate."

She shook her head with what little strength she had left. "Not your fault."

"If we were back…"

"No 'what if's'," she warned in that tone, that one he'd heard a million times in the last four years. "You'll be ok," she assured him, choking on a mix of tears and blood.

Jack raised the rag to wipe new blood that sputtered out of her mouth. Sun brought him a vial, inside was some concoction she'd created for anesthesia. Worked well enough. "Do you want me to ease the pain?" Jack's chest burned to ask her. His body shook and he knew the color was gone from his face. His head felt frozen, but hot and he was sweating with fear.

Kate closed her eyes. "Nah, it's going away."

Bringing a fist to his mouth, he felt the tears in his eyes spill over. He felt her fingers brush his arm and he looked at her, laying there with her eyes still closed. She wanted to hold his hand and he let her. He watched as her breath slowed until it stopped and she died.

His body jerked awake in response, pain searing through him. It was the third time that week he'd watched her die. Always something different, always something bloody, always falling. She moaned something next to him and Jack turned, seeing her frown at his absence by her side. Her eyes opened slowly and she rolled her head to find him sitting up, staring down at her.

"What's wrong?" She asked, panic in her voice as she shifted her weight, leaning on her elbow.

Jack tried to smile, but he could already feel he'd been crying. His cheeks were wet with the evidence and she could see it, even in the night. He lay back down on his back, breathing a sigh.

"Jack, what's wrong?" Kate repeated, a hand touching his chest to feel the drum of his heartbeat. "What happened?"

He shook his head and smiled at her. "Nightmare."

Her fear turned to concern and she hugged him tight, her belly pressing into his side. "Again?" He nodded. "How'd I go this time?"

"You fell off a cliff doing something with Walt."

Kate smiled. "Check, stay away from cliffs and Walt."

"Kate, it isn't funny." Jack told her angrily.

Removing her hand, Kate sat up, wincing as her lower back pinched with the swift motion. "Jack, I'm seven months pregnant, you want me to panic about every nightmare you have?"

He sat up next to her, rubbing her back gently, watching her eyes half close. "No." Jack shrugged, pressing into a spot that made her lean her head back. "I just wonder if it's some sign."

Grinning, she turned her head to look at him. "It's a sign, alright." She paused to move her body around to face him. "You're scared. It's obvious, Jack. You know me, the chances of me falling or tripping and getting hurt are very high. But you have to relax."

"I saw her in the dream again." Jack said absently.

Her eyebrows lowered. "Who?"

He touched her stomach, feeling the rolling motion under his hand and the gently thump of a kick at his forefinger. "Her, she was small and skinny and had long wavy hair like yours and your nose and my eyes and she was beautiful." Jack smiled at Kate and kissed her. Kate pulled him into an embrace and he closed his eyes, breathing in her scent – something like coconuts and sea water.

Opening his eyes, he was back in the present, holding her hand and watching her in front of him. She was so still. Jack touched her forehead, feeling the heat that remained there and he covered his mouth, feeling as though he were going to scream. She'd talked him into thinking they were just dreams. Kate convinced him not to pay attention. So he forgot about them when their girl was born.

Seven pounds, three ounces, twenty one inches long. White like ocean foam and beautiful. As beautiful as he'd dreamed. She touched his lap, her small hand tugging on his shorts. "Momma sleeping."

Jack cried and heard Sawyer shout the girl's name as he entered the cave. "She got away from me, Jack. I'm sorry."

"Momma sleeping?" She asked this time.

The little girl touched her mother's blood encrusted hand and then her cheek. "Momma got booboo 'gain, daddy. You fix it?"

He tried to nod, but he'd never been a good liar. Kate was the one who used to tell her things would be better when she knew they wouldn't be. "I can't fix it," he told her through tears.

"I fix it." The little girl climbed on the stretcher and Sawyer took a step forward as Jack stood. She kissed her mother's cheek and then Jack lifted her up into his arms. Her mother's blood now stained the girl's lips and she spread them so he could see her baby teeth. Her mother's big smile. "Momma sleeping," she whispered.

Sawyer touched his shoulder. "Need me to take her to the beach?"

Nodding, Jack handed the girl over.

She fussed, pushing away from Sawyer and reaching for Jack. "Daddy?" He turned his back to her, inflating his chest with as much air as he could to keep from breaking down. But the little girl pouted and lowered her eyebrows. "Jack!" She shouted and it startled him.

Turning, he looked at the dark pensive eyes that mirrored his and he tried to smile, but he cried. The little girl gave Sawyer a good elbow in the chest and he stumbled. "Lemme go!" The girl muttered, pushing off him.

Jack took her and held her against his chest. "You shouldn't hit people, Maggie." His throat felt tight as he said the girl's name. Kate named her, said it'd always been one of her favorite names. She always believed him when he told her it was a girl they were having, never picked a boy's name at all.

"It's just Sawyer," she mumbled into his bare skin.

Nodding to the other man, Jack sat back down, cradling his girl in his arms as Sawyer backed out of the entrance and went through the jungle's curtain towards the beach. Jack raised the little chubby chin and touched her cheek. The paleness of birth had left her and her skin glowed a beautiful golden brown that matched the natural highlights in her long hair. It was loose over her shoulders, over a small white tank top that used to belong to Shannon.

Maggie touched a tear that had rolled halfway down his cheek and she looked at her mother as she bit the inside of her cheek. Her eyes changed, went from bright and oblivious to something Jack read as understanding. Momma wasn't sleeping; momma was dead. It was something Maggie had already seen a few times in her life. Jack always assumed that when he had a child, he could teach them how to save lives like he did. Now he felt as though all he was teaching her was death. He couldn't save everyone on the island. Not when they got infections, were attacked, or when they fell.

He opened his mouth to explain, but the delicate fingers that had been playing with his cheeks covered his mouth as she shook her head. She smiled a shy smile and he found himself touching her nose, grinning with her. He could almost pretend it was a normal afternoon and Kate was just sleeping. Jack spent an hour pretending, playing the lie, before Sawyer returned, lowering his eyebrows as he watched the two poke each other in the stomachs and laugh.

"Everythin' alright, Doc?" He asked, the southern drawl heavier than usual. Jack could tell he'd cried. His eyes were bloodshot and his shirt seemed damp.

Jack raised his head and he nodded. "It has to be," he answered with a shrug.

"Do you want me and," he pointed back towards Sayid, who stood at the door, a shocked look on his face. "Do you want us to…" he looked at Kate. "We could…" he couldn't make himself say it. "We dug the hole," he finally spat, lowering his head.

Standing, Jack took his daughter out of the cave and left Sawyer and Sayid to bury Kate. He stood just outside the cave, listening to them wrap her up in a tarp. They recycled them now. Only used them to cover the body until they tossed them into a grave. Then it was folded back up and brought into the caves for storage until the next death. He didn't let his daughter watch them put the sand over Kate's body, he knew he couldn't watch. He just stood on the beach holding the girl, making sure she didn't move. Maggie seemed to understand, she just clung to him, sucking her thumb absently.

Jack stared out at the ocean, watching the waves build from a rolling hill to a curved hand, ready to beat down on the coastline. It'd been a long time since he'd just watched the ocean. Not since before Kate's announcement. He'd been sitting on the beach that day, unsure of their relationship and she came and sat down next to him and said the words, "Hey Jack, I'm pregnant." She said them like she'd say she was going to pee, or going talking a walk. When he smiled at her, she panicked and cried.

Maggie kissed his chest. "Daddy got a booboo." She placed a small hand over his heart and he could see she was crying too. It's what Kate would do to him when he lost someone; it was how Kate taught Maggie about death. Her head whipped around and she watched the trees around where Sawyer and Sayid were covering the grave and putting a stone at the top to mark it.

He didn't let their girl see the grave until she was five. Two days before her birthday, the day after the plane spotted them, the hour before they departed for civilization. A boat waited for them; they refused to be rescued by plane. The little girl who stood at his side held her hands together in front of herself and glanced up at him. She'd tied her long hair back and one strand flew into her face, into the squinted hazel eyes that no longer held his shape. Maybe they never had.

"Come on, kiddo, we gotta get moving."

Maggie moved the strand that had fallen across her face again. She half turned, giving him the worried expression that made her look so much like Kate. Maggie didn't like the plane; she didn't like the boat any better. They were things she wasn't familiar with. He picked her up off the ground and she held him tightly as he joined the others who were left as they boarded the boat. It would take them back to Australia. A lot of them were contemplating living there, just to avoid the plane trip.

Jack was going home. His first phone call had been to his mother. He'd given her Kate's name, asked her to find her family for him. They stood at the edge of the deck and watched as the boat put distance between them and the island. Sawyer came and stood next to Jack as he lowered Maggie to the ground.

"I thought she'd make it to this day, you know?" Sawyer sighed. "Of all the people in this mess, I was a hundred percent sure of that."

Turning to watch him stare back at the island, Jack answered, "I thought we'd be rescued within twenty four hours of the crash. Goes to show how much we know."

"Just a couple of morons," Sawyer laughed. Jack joined in.

They watched Maggie walk away from them and lean against the railing, staring back at the island with tears in her eyes. Near her Charlie stood with his son, or at least the boy who had grown up calling him 'dad'. The kids watched the trees on the island sway and counted down the rain together. Maggie inched closer to the boy and Jack saw them hold hands. Not far away Shannon had her own toddler and a few of the others who survived had small children, some their own, some the children of those who'd been buried on the island.

"It's their home," Jack said suddenly. He watched the island grow farther away. "I used to look forward to this day."

Sawyer nodded, leaning on the railing. "Least now we can go back to living normal lives."

"That's just it." Jack smiled. "Living with her on that island was the closest to normal I ever felt."

He went back to watching the island. He thought he saw a woman with long dark wavy hair come out of the jungle. She had on a worn orange shirt that was permanently stained by the years. She smiled at him and waved at her daughter. Jack watched Maggie smile and wave back. The boy at her side seemed to be grinning too and Jack imagined he could see the blonde woman who'd passed not long ago from a sickness he couldn't cure.

Lifting Maggie into the air, he sat her on his shoulders and he smiled, thankful for the island. He'd found love on that island. The little girl sitting on his shoulders hugged his head and played with the necklace that hung on his neck. Jack closed his eyes and he could feel her, like he'd felt her a million times before, standing at his side. He felt himself crying and Maggie touched his cheek, laid her head on his and sighed.

"Don't worry daddy, she's coming home with us."

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Finis 


End file.
